Bye, Bye, Bye
So you're fed up with Calvary Temple. Maybe you feel as though you're wasting your life. Maybe you have a dispute with someone in the church. Perhaps the disciplinary measures the church has taken are not working, and they are sucking the life out of you. Or you discovered some of the scary history, and you are reevaluating the people you trusted.
Leaving isn't for everyone, but if you find yourself in a place to leave, here are some tips that you might find useful:
1. Have a plan: This is the most important decision you are about to make in your life. The support system that you might have known since birth is getting fall to come to pieces around you. The friend groups and family you used to hold dear will be changed. Emotionally, spiritually, and possibly financially, you are about to struggle like you have never struggled before.
Ask yourself the questions below. If you are stuck on any of these, use this a checklist of things you should probably figure out.
Will I have a place to live?
Will I be ok financially if no Calvary Temple members are there to help me?
Have I spoken to my spouse about my intentions and do I trust that spouse to come with me?
If I have kids, do I have an exit plan for them? (Remember that courts often favor the parent that has the kids the longest)
Is there anyone on the outside of CT that I can trust? (it might be good to reach out to them before leaving)
Is there anything that Calvary Temple knows about me that I would not want others to see or know? Do I have a plan if the information is made known?
Is there anything that I can use as leverage against Calvary Temple leadership if they use information to pressure me?
2. Record every interaction with a pastor, deacon, or devout family member: Depending on what you believe about Calvary Temple, this is going to sound strange, conspiratorial, or cold. In my experience, the church is less concerned about your well being, and more concerned about protecting its ranks. If someone at church is going to miss you, they will do their best to smear your name to those people. Protect yourself and record your conversations. While you may never use the recordings, they could also be a useful tool that allows you to rebuild your life without the church hassling you and your family in the future.
3. Get your reason for leaving straight: You've heard it before--there is no right way to leave Calvary Temple. If you have doctrinal disputes that you share, you are pushing false doctrine. If you are pursuing a job or a change in life, you are seeking independence and disobeying leadership. Most of us leave for more than one issue, and the reasons might be as multi-layered as we are as people. You don't need to explain everything when you leave. My advice would be to narrow in on a reason, and don't deviate. The less they know, the less ammunition they have to mark you with later.
4. Carefully evaluate your loved ones: Statistics say that most of your loved ones will initially stay in the church, even if you leave. However because Calvary Temple frowns on "free expression" of doubt, many members might have the same doubts that you have but never tell you. Pay attention and look for weaknesses. Don't share too much, but see if there are others that seem unhappy. If the person doesn't leave now, you might provide them with the inspiration to make a decision later.
5. Find someone on the outside who can help: Carefully choose someone you trust from the outside. That person should have discretion, and should be able to communicate clearly some of the struggles he or she had. You will find that many ex-CT members can be cautious initially, but they are quick to open up if it means helping a former (or current) CT member. Asking about their journey can be therapeutic for them and educational for you.
As I've said several times, leaving is difficult. But, with a little planning, your life can reset in the most amazing way. For every one negative story that I know, I can point to 3 or 4 success stories of people who have rebuilt their lives better and stronger.
One final point - in my experience, the earlier in your life you make the decision to leave CT, the less emotional pain you will experience later. This might not seem obvious, but Calvary Temple is a drug that you are likely very dependent on. When you are younger, it is easier to find new attachments that can fill the gaps that CT left. It's much harder to walk away and refresh as an "old dog". Still worth it, but much harder. Make the decision that works best for you, and keep some of the above tips in mind.
